. . .

Last night.

In Uncategorized on September 14, 2010 at 2:10 PM

You’ll have to excuse the current run of introspective blog posts. It’s not usually my style but I’ve been inspired recently by similar blogging and, since I’m thinking about the possible direction/directions in which I can let this blog organically grow, it seems fair enough to let the inspiration run its course!

Last night I got an excellent grade and feedback for an assignment which in particular meant a massive amount for me in my studies. And I’ve done a WHOLE lot of study throughout my time so that this means a lot means…well, a lot! It was all about identity and our creative process in ultimately representing that. The lecturers really pushed us which was great – you could feel everyone’s minds turning over in great heave-hos of imagination which we had rarely utilised in this way before, or had only used so long ago that our minds were not used to thinking like this all over again. Everyone’s output was so fascinating. Each brought their own persona –  abstracted, distilled and refined (sometimes apparently through quite painful mental processing!) – and laid it out on the table or performed it for the rest of us; bare, exposed but ultimately proud. I thought it was the most fascinating process and I think I will forever in some small or large way, hold it accountable for helping me define and refine my own creative persona and process at quite a synchronistically perfect time.

That said, now it’s time to keep on proving that process. And result! It seems this hardwork, hardcore, work/study/lyf timetable thing is working for me though! It’s amazing how much you can force the physical nature of your brain to start working in a completely different manner. I love it. It’s an amazing process and I can say it feels the same as when I mentally forced myself to start viewing the world differently (and thus changing my reaction to it) a few years back. During that time there were honestly points in the day where I could feel my brain muscle almost physically keel over with the effort. l I don’t know much neurology and neurosciences but I used to imagine I was literally forcing the creation of new synapses in my mind and forcing the electricity within to travel down those new, open pathways instead. It was hardwork and exhilarating in equal measures and, if I’m not completely offtrack in thinking this might have been what was happening, it was totally worth the months of brain-crunching thinking and the physical exhaustion that constantly resulted. It was worth it to move into, quite literally, a different way of being.

Anyways. This current hard work process feels almost the same, except far more productive in a career sense! I LOVE thinking I might end up being like all those friends of mine whom I love and admire and who work their ARSES off every day (and every second within it). I’ve never thought there was anything bad about being a workaholic because everyone I admire and respect has loved their jobs so much that it doesn’t even feel like work anyway. That has always been my driving factor (well, that and a very relaxing trip to the Bahamas). I’m so excited I’m getting closer and closer to that way of being and outcome.


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